So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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