I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
