There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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