apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
