Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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