woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we're making bets on your personal life
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
