Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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