its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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