how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
