There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
