You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
being pregnant is like rehab
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
