Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
