He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
