the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
