my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
