not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
