i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
