you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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