arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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