Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
