Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
