Soap is not a condiment
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
