dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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