We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
