Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
