I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
