My liver just broke up with me...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
