Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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