Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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