We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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