what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
