it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Panties = found
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
