his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
