apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I came so hard my ears popped.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
