Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
