When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
