Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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