Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize