Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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