Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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