Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
