I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Mom said you looked used
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
