i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize