I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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