umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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