I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
