You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
