I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
