you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
