just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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