I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
