Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
