I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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