If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
