this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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