Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
