okay pat passed out under dana's car
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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