Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
