I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
