Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm both gender and math confused
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
