I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
