It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
