I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
