Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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