PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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