Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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