he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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