dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
