Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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