you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
