he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
