btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
