I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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