When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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