Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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