having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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