My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
