doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
