Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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