Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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