none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
