i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
