he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
