Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize