Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
