New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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