Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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