I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Randomize
