i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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