Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
