i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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